Among the many interesting things you heard last night at Ignite Phoenix 10, one of my favorites (I’m biased) was that Ignite Phoenix After Hours #2 is creeping closer. Yes, in case you hadn’t heard, we’re gettin’ crazy again, and it’s happening in Scottsdale, July 29, 2011.

If the world does not end tonight, you should submit an amazing presentation idea for IPAH #2. You have until Friday, July 1, to submit your presentation. If you miss the deadline, you’re outta luck. You’ll have to wait until IPAH #3. But why wait? After all, the world might end after Friday, July 29th, and as you float through limbo, you’ll always be sad you didn’t get a chance to present at an After Hours event.

Submissions are over on the SPEAK page. There’s a possibility that at After Hours #2, you could find out if you’re a pit bull or an antelope. You could learn a bit about Satan. <Wince. Jesus, if you are coming back soon, don’t fault us for that one!!!> OR you might learn how to ruin a relationship in four days. (I imagine it’s easier than you think.)

So there are a few of the submissions we’ve received so far. Where do you fit into all this? Do you have a topic you would never share with your coworkers? What about an obsession you’d never share with your mother? Or you might just have an unconventional opinion that conventionalists wouldn’t want to hear. PERFECT! Get that presentation together and submit. And remember: we do allow you to use a pseudonym, so you’re out of excuses.

If you have someone in the Valley community you’d like to hear from, tell them about IPAH. If there’s an interesting organization in the Valley, tell them about IPAH. If you have a wacky friend who spouts off about politics, ninjas, or delivery pizza, tell him about IPAH! And don’t forget: submissions close July 1, 2011.

So you haven’t sent your presentation submission for Ignite Phoenix After Hours #2 yet. Why? You have something important to say, don’t you? You’d be great in front of a live audience. So what’s the problem? Lemme guess …

You’re worried your submission won’t wow us.

It’s a realistic concern. After all, the competition is tough. There are plenty of interesting people in Phoenix, and they’re all competing for the same IPAH slot. I’m here to give you some pointers to make your presentation submission awesome. Well, technically, Evo Terra is here. We’re recycling an old Ignite Phoenix post of his to remind you what’s important as you get ready to bare your heart, soul, and possibly other body parts to the Valley of the Sun. Here it is: an abridged version of “5 Reasons Why Your Submission to Ignite Phoenix Sucks,” from Evo …

1. Your biography is twice as long as the description of your talk.
Look, I’m sure you are a fascinating person. Your bio clearly indicates that at least one person thinks you are. And as much as this presentation is about you, it’s a LOT more about what you are going to speak on.

2. Your description doesn’t describe much.
Now isn’t the time to be esoteric or mysterious. Now is the time to clearly demonstrate what you know. Perhaps more importantly, it’s the time to demonstrate what you will be sharing with the audience. Avoid asking questions. Strive to give answers.

3. You’re obviously trying to sell something.
I admit I have a bias against people just looking for an opportunity to pitch me the latest and greatest thing they offer — free or not. … Do try and indicate what is so special about your product or service if you must pitch it. And remember — I’m a skeptical cynic.  Yeah, I suck at Christmas.

4. Your focus is too narrow.
A wide group of people attend Ignite Phoenix. They have wide interests. Few want to hear a talk on the superiority of the Blue Diode over the Red. Yes, I made that up. But some submissions seem that way. Don’t go for the deep dive on a topic. Find something unique and interesting about the Blue Diode that appeals to someone who doesn’t have a Master’s Degree in Material Science. You know, like 95% of the room?

5. There’s no pizazz.
If your description of your talk is boring… we’ll assume you are boring. We’re probably wrong and you’re of the more fascinating humans to have mastered heel-to-toe walking — but how would we know? While you’re focusing on the first four, remember that this last one is the icing on the cake. And it can be the one to put you one step ahead.

There you go—all you need to know to turn in a shockingly awesome presentation submission. So now, what are you waiting for? Sit down, write your submission, and submit HERE. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

We all had the pleasure (maybe horror is a better word) of hearing from surgeon Terry Simpson at the first Ignite Phoenix After Hours back in December. Terry’s presentation was called “Rectum: Nearly Killed Them.” He made us laugh, squeal, and well … I had to cover my face a couple times. It made me wonder: What was it like to talk about such a disruptive topic in front of over a hundred people?

As we seek out submissions for IPAH #2 on July 29, we thought we should ask Terry to share his experience with you. Public speaking isn’t scary, but talking about rectums in front of a bunch of strangers can make your sphincter tighten … Read on, in the words of IPAH #1 presenter, Terry Simpson.

Taking foreign bodies out of a rectum was something I did for a lot of years as a surgeon. Talking about it to an audience was another matter. The topic is both amusing and tragic—tragic only for those who waited too long and got a colostomy.

(ckroberts61 on flickr)

The key to my presentation was making it so that any given slide would leave no one offended.  Hitchcock came to mind—let the imagination wander and see where the audience takes it. No photos of rectums—not even of people who became patients—nothing that would identify. For example, the photo of a GI Joe—well—simple photo really—and my comments: “I have taken a Ken doll out of a Ken, and a Barbie out of a Barbie, but finally was able to answer the question, ‘How did GI Joe get shit faced?’”

The audience was ready for everything, but as I delved deeper into objects removed there were two sounds—one was the unmistakable sound of hundreds of butt cheeks slamming shut—the other was an uncomfortable laughter. They heard about the medical malpractice lawyer who, after defeating a physician in court, found himself in a hotel room with hookers, cocaine, and “ended up” with an electric razor in his rectum. Sadly he didn’t learn about the karma of physicians—few of them do.

Ignite Phoenix After Hours is a place to explore—it can be profane, it can be profound, and if you are good, it can be both.  It can be base; it can be tasteful.  Some of the talks were great, with poor delivery; some had great delivery and were vapid.  But it all doesn’t matter. It is After Hours, for an adult audience. The youngest member of the audience was the reaction I was most interested in– my five-month-old son. He slept through it. Alas, try harder next time.

For more from Terry, check out his website or follow him on Twitter. Thanks for the guest post! And if you, dear reader, feel ready to join the ranks of IPAH speakers, head to the Speak page and submit a presentation idea!

If you’re lucky enough to attend Ignite Phoenix #9 tonight, you’ll hear some exciting news: Ignite Phoenix After Hours #2 is officially taking place Friday, July 29, 2011, at Radius Nightclub in Scottsdale.

We all remember IPAH #1. (We did condone drinking, so it might be hazy, but the memory is there, somewhere.) I know you didn’t forget the fisting presentation, and who doesn’t love some nice tits? It was more than just sex, though, right? It was edgy, controversial, and it got you thinking. One of our presenters encouraged you to drink and drive, while another bemoaned his status as maybe-Mexican. If those topics didn’t rattle a few cages, I don’t know what will.

Wait, sure I do. Lemme ruffle your feathers …

Comedian Chris Rock once said that black culture is actually detrimental to black people. Really?

A number of Americans think guns should be outlawed, across the board, no exceptions. Would a law like this make you feel safe or scared?

People should be required to pass an IQ test before being allowed to procreate. This would solve a lot of the world’s problems, wouldn’t it?

Angelina Jolie. Is she super hot or super skeletal? As a country, do we worship the almighty eating disorder?

There’s more where that came from. We have a lot of edgy controversy in our world, and IPAH is the perfect sounding board for venting your frustrations, opinions, and enlightening anecdotes. We are here as an alternate to Ignite Phoenix. At Ignite, you need to stay below the PG-13 barrier. At IPAH, there is no barrier. We’re R, X, and NC-17, and you love it.

That said, let’s reiterate the rules for IPAH newbies:

You must be 21 and over to present AND attend. NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

Your presentation cannot incite hate.

Your presentation description should be safe for general consumption … but your presentation can be anything but.

If you’re ready to jump in head first, get your presentation together, and we’ll let you know when we’re open to submissions on the SPEAK page. We still have all the submissions from IPAH #1 posted there right now, so if you want some creative inspiration, check ‘em out.

Submissions will stay open until we say they’re closed. Tickets will go on sale when we say so. We are Phoenix’s version of a fun-loving Big Brother, and we want your ideas, your attention, and your adoration. Mostly, we’re just excited to announce Ignite Phoenix After Hours, Part Deux. Let the games begin …

Over a week has passed since the inaugural Ignite Phoenix After Hours, and it’s given some of us crew members time to think about how it all went down. And we’re pretty happy about it.

The venue was perfect, albeit a tad packed. It was just what we were looking for: flames illuminating the back porch, Phantom of the Opera chandeliers, and even red/black wallpaper, reminiscent of Elvira’s boudoir. Music (thanks to Michael Barber) set the tone for a sexy, rockin’ good time, and we couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful evening, with the sun setting low over a Scottsdale backdrop.

The crowd was varied. There were Ignite Phoenix die-hards, who’d been to all the other events and who had been just waiting for something like After Hours to come along. There were newbies, too—people who had never been to an Ignite but had somehow heard about this thing called “IPAH.” There were leather (or was it pleather?) pants, plunging necklines, and some excellent hair and makeup. Sexy people there to hear some sexy stuff.

Speaking of which … there was tons of sex at Ignite Phoenix After Hours. Annie Janssen reminded the ladies of the importance of kegel muscles. Debbie Walker warned us of the proper positioning of sex with an asthmatic. Evo Terra embraced implants and real boobs alike in this presentation about “titties.”

But let’s not forget the cuss words … Nina Miller, thankfully, gave us a new use for See You Next Tuesday, honorably replacing this derogatory term with the evil, dirty “dogf%#$er.”  The f-bomb was dropped with prideful regularity, and no one batted an eye.

Social commentary? We had it. Michael Cady triumphed the theory of “party plates”—license plates that tell the police, “I’m cool. I can drive drunk, because I passed the state-issued drunk driver test!” Victor Moreno made us realize we all just want to be zombies (it’s human nature, okay?). And Krystopher James VanSlyke embraced his semi-Mexican (or was it Dutch?) culture by asking the crowd, “How Mexican is Mexican enough to be Mexican?”

I guess the inaugural event was kind of shocking. We had a great turnout. Our hosts did a great job. Our speakers rocked out, as did our audience. But yes, I was shocked. Weren’t you? And in shocking you, I think we achieved our ultimate goal. We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again: we’re not just here to talk about tits. We’re here to expand your mind in ways a PG-13 platform cannot, while promoting Phoenix pride in the process. We’ve done it once. With your support and enthusiasm, we might just do it again.

Thank you, Phoenix. Have a happy holiday season with your friends and families. Oh, but I don’t suggest bringing up a detailed explanation of fisting anywhere near your mother … (Lucky you: the actual fisting presentation is on YouTube.)

Check out some pics from event night HERE.
And read Evo Terra’s take on the whole thing HERE.